Transformers : Age of Extinction review

Michael Bay, you have brought this upon yourself.



Transformers : AOE (Age of Extinction and get used to the abbreviation because I will be using it a lot) was a CGI dripping mess of a movie with stale actors and a few decent actors that they must have tricked into doing the movie to give it more credibility.  I'm not sure why I went into this movie expecting more than it's predecessors, Dark of the Moon was by far the best of all 3 films at the time. That movie still had it's problems like being stuffed full of so many new characters without so much as a background story (unless you read the back of the toy package or flipped through a comic book) and giving the viewers more of what we still didn't give any fucks about; Sam, his love life and more importantly his awful.....camera mugging parents. Transformers: AOE was a long, painful theater experience that I won't soon forget.

(I will add that I saw this movie for free and I'm very happy that I did. Paying money to see AOE would have meant theater hopping till I felt like I had been reimbursed my ticket price.)

(Yabba Dabba Doo!)

First, this is a near three hour movie and it feels like every minute of three hours. The movie just seems to go on for eternity and for no good reason than to justify the effects team's passion for exploding shit. They also dragged Kelsey Grammer and Stanley Tucci into this movie and their parts are just as memorable as John Malkovich's role in the previous movie. I mean I know they got paid for what they did but you can't tell me that their parts seemed forced, like when you have to do something you don't want to do (for example the Ghostbusters II/ Bill Murray debate). And I finally figured out why the movie is two hours and forty-six minutes, they forgot to put the Dinobots in and slapped another forty-six minutes on the film. The Dinobots barley even feel like they are in the movie and the designs alone make me say, "Those aren't Dinobots, it's Truck-a-saurus from the monster truck rally." I know it's the Michael Bay Universe / "Bay-formers" but it doesn't make it any better, it's deplorable no matter how you explain it.

 

(these are Dino-Bots)

 

(these are not)

I don't want to drone on and on, or at least any further so I'll end it with; Transformers: AOE earned 0 out of 5 stars, two thumbs down, it stinks, Redbox it if you must watch it, wait for the cable tv debut, borrow a friend's copy of the movie, catch it on Video On Demand......I think you get the picture.

Your weekly Nerdgasm 03/25/13

(A logo you can trust. You have no idea how hard it is to get Optimus Prime and Skeletor in the same room.)

Your weekly Nerdgasm!

Capcom gave me reason to love modern games again

                                   

                                              (oh yeah, this is the good stuff right here.) 

I got two words for you; Ducktales, woohoo! Seriously, Capcom this week broke the news that they were making a revamp of their ever so popular NES Ducktales video game. Not only did they have the news, but the trailer was ready, showcasing the game play and graphics. Backgrounds are 3D rendered with all game sprites maintaining a very cool "hand drawn" effect. Capcom says the game will be very similar to it's predecessor, with a main room complete with stage select options and new playable levels such as the McDuck Money Bin. 

                                   

                                    (I'd play this level for hours just because I loved the music)

The trailer showed the Money Bin level as well as the Amazon and Transylvania, but didn't show fan favorite levels the Himalayas or the ever popular outer space level. The outer space level was everyone's favorite level and the music from that level is in just about everyone's top 5 NES game soundtracks, outside of Metroid, Legend of Zelda or SMB. What's the deal Capcom, don't play with our hearts like this. Anyways, the fanboys and fangirls squealed with anticipation after watching the trailer, even getting to learn many developers and coders for current games hold Ducktales in highest regards (the original game ran on the MegaMan engine for crying out loud and your cane was both pogo stick and golf club!). The game will be available on PSN, XBOXLIVE and WII-U networks for download, costing $15. Which is a real deal considering any of us who owned an original one most likely paid $50 or so back in the 90's. But please Capcom, don't forget your loving fans on STEAM (such as myself).

I guess Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles is still a go

(credit to toysrevil.net for the picture)

Much to everyone's dismay, TANT (which is dangerously close to TAINT) is still in pre-production with Michael Bay gunning to ruin everything from your childhood with confirmed Megan Fox as April O'Neil .I wonder if him and the Dwayne Johnson have a running bet to see how many awesome properties they can trash? I wonder if April will be a stripper instead of a news woman? I wonder if the fanbase will allow this movie to happen?

(the face of evil!)

Anyways, the first actor to join the cast as one of the four turtles/aliens/brothers is Alan Ritchson (Aquaman on Smallville), allegedly taking the role of Raphael. That....that's actually OK with me. But when you say actor they mean voice actor, right? WRONG! The turtles/aliens/brothers not be animatronic suits but motion capture ala' Avatar styling. This.....this I'm cool with too because the actors will have to emote and actually act instead to trying to match up voice tone and infliction to puppeteers in suits. So TANT brings me through emotional ups and downs and not even one second of film has been shot. I'm holding out till I see who the villains are going to be since they are keeping really hush about it.

                                                     (was this ever confirmed legit or not?)


Boldly going......to mess my pants

Between trailers for Iron Man 3, Star Trek: Into Darkness and pictures from Pacific Rim, I can't contain the awesome. Seriously, it's going to be a great summer season at the movies. Not to cheap out on you in the third article, I just feel all three of these developing stories deserve their own blog entry this week so I'll leave you with the following.