Raging Nerdgasm Movie review - Monster Brawl

I've already admitted to being a 80s and 90s wrestling nerd, I loved the outlandish characters and entertaining stories. I also admitted to being a huge dork when it comes to the classic monsters so when I heard rumblings of a movie from a few years ago that mixed those two elements together I thought, "Sounds pretty groovy, I'm down for it." Luckily my curiosity was quenched with my subscription to NetFlix and it was showtime....Monster Brawl.

 (Monsters plus wrestling? What could go wrong?)

Monster Brawl starts off looking like something just this side of a junior college film project. The shots are a little more revealing than they should be and the close ups are not clean, think SyFy channel movies from 2 years ago or more. The concept is a supernatural wrestling promotion that pits legendary monsters against each other for the bragging rights of heavy weight champion of whatever the fuck they made up. Surprisingly the star power isn't too shabby with Dave Foley, Art Hindle and Lance Hendrickson (well, in voice only but they must have paid him well for his Mortal Kombat-esque commentary). There's also a handful of wrestlers in the movie like Kevin Nash, Robert Maillet, Jimmy Hart and Herb Dean (OK, he's MMA famous but still) but I don't officially commit to calling them star acting power. According to IMDB the budget was a conservative 200K in Canadian dollars so it looks like they really spent every penny on discount Halloween props and Red Bull energy drinks.

(This is what I got the displeasure of seeing.)

The premise is 8 classic monsters face off in a battle to the death to establish who is the number one biggest badass in the supernatural world. And they do so in a wrestling ring, ala' WWF style. I'm fond of Asylum Entertainment's movies (like Sharktopus or Ghost Shark or Sharknado) but this sounds like the crap I would come up with as a little kid playing with my action figures when I decided I was bored using Macho Man to fight Hulk Hogan. The explanation isn't rushed, it's partially missing. For lack of better terms, Dave Foley trips through the exposition like a one legged man playing hopscotch in a mine field. I don't think it was his fault though, he probably couldn't do much with what script there was if it wasn't fully ad-lib to begin with.

(Once you see the amateur effects, you can't unsee the zippers and cosmetics.)

Each monster gets a rather rushed backstory and the "fights" are really slow moving. This is a premise that would have done better turned into a webisode series. The only redeeming part of any of the fights is Lance Hendrickson's commentary during the fights as an unseen entity. Think the voice in Mortal Kombat that would laugh or say "superb" or "excellent". Many of the monsters have special powers they never really explained, they mention the powers just moments before the character uses it. Did you know the Cyclops has an energy beam he shoots from his eye? Well neither did I until seconds before he blew away some hideous hag cleverly named Witch Bitch.

(I expected so much just based on the concept and these promotional posters.)

And then there's the monsters. Cyclops, Frankenstein, Zombie Man, Witch Bitch, Swamp Gut, Werewolf, Lady Vampire and the Mummy. All of those monsters I was moderately OK with until they mentioned Swamp Gut. What's a Swamp Gut? Well, take the Sasquatch and mix in Creature from the Black Lagoon and Swamp Thing. Then crap it out and look at the abomination that's been born. Needless to say I think it's a weak character that could have been easily replaced with another pseudo knock off monster. And I'm not sure who's costume was worse, Swamp Gut or Cyclops. Both characters you can see parts of the guy in the costume under the bad special effects make-up. Like I said, the movie spent the budget at a Spirit Halloween store on November 1st.

(What I was hoping for versus what I got.)

If you have 89 minutes to waste and a few beers to kill, I suggest either watching this movie or maybe doing something to better yourself. Click the link below to see a list of worthwhile movies that also last 89 minutes or less. The top one is Zombieland, which is an enjoyable Halloween-y film if that's your style.

http://www.imdb.com/list/wUQ9uZBSHQ8/

5 more random action figures

Star Trek TNG Antican

The Antican was from the earlier seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Y'know, back when they were still feeling out the direction of the show and before the make up and effects got better. According to the Star Trek wiki the Anticans are a sentient humanoid-canine species from the planet Antica who like to eat their meat still alive and kicking. Think rape-cannibals. Anyways, their prey of choice were the Selay; a reptilian humanoid species resembling cobra people for lack of better terms. The Antican, Selay, Q and the Feringi were tail enders to the failing Galoob Star Trek series and usually command big bucks in good condition. Unless you are a nut and have to have him I would suggest living without him unless you get him for a few bucks, he's far from being the most interesting toy you don't own.


Slo Mo from Space Precinct

                                                                                                                                                               
                                                      
Oh yeah, that breakout BBC series known as Space Precinct. Right? It played in the US if your market was lucky enough to slip it into a late night/early morning time slot. Those time slots that play just before the channel signs off for the night or they start playing the 700 Club or infomercials isn't exactly the way to coax people into falling in love with a fairly imaginative hour long tv series. Created and written by Gerry Anderson ( creative mind behind Thunderbirds, Stingray and Captain Scarlet), this live action police drama seemed childish on the surface with silly characters like Slo Mo and brightly designed alien species  (using a lot of great make up techniques and puppetry) but had lots of adult undertones and story lines. Needless to say it lasted a year even though rating highly in Europe, the series capped off with 24 episodes and was Gerry Anderson's biggest budgeted production.

Slo Mo was more than likely in every episode if memory serves me right. Kind of a comic relief mixture of C3P0 and R2D2 to offset some of the tension I bought Slo Mo just because I thought he'd look cool in the background of a Jawa Sandcrawler or some other scene I dreamed of building but never got around to. Now he just haunts a random bin full of miscellanous toys where I'll probably throw him next to the Antican if I decide either deserves to be displayed.



Macho Man LJN thumb wrestler

Nothing quite like cornholing a bearded man in pink underwear and making him fight another mostly naked man with a thumb up his ass. While I really like LJN's WWF figures I've always had this strange issue with the thumb wrestlers. That and they are incredibly hard to display.


Imperial Space fighters

  

Here goes my love/hate for bendy figures. Imperial did a few straight bootlegs of other popular space branded toys and made them bendies. This is a green Star Wars Storm Trooper, let that sink in for a minute.

Harem Xena

I never was a big fan of the Xena series but then again I wasn't a fan of the Hercules series till it was off the air and I was much older. Even the times I sat down trying to watch the series with an open mind, I lost interest within minutes. You could almost time me; 7 minutes in and I was done, just like clockwork. I bought this figure to eventually customize into a Slave Leia 6 inch figure but I think I got bored one day and shot it with an airsoft gun. They're making a 6 inch Slave Leia and I probably won't buy it anyways because I'm just not that into Star Wars anymore.

5 Best action figure cases ever!

Once upon a time when I was a wee little nerd nugget, I never owned a collector's case for any of my action figure lines. I was too cheap to spend allowance money, chore money or waste space on Christmas list to ask for one. I always thought they were awesome, but I had more pressing matters like getting that new Batmobile....because last years model didn't match the new movie version. I kept them in shoe boxes, tupperware or (my favorite) a tacklebox I got from my dad one year when he noticed I was having issues storing my figures. I put stickers on the outside of it and painted the whole thing black, but it wasn't the same.

Honestly I was a young adult before I owned a collector case from any line. At a convention I bought a beat up C3PO case in a junk bin for $5. After the first one I was hooked. I loved the fact I could store figures in their own separate cubby and all the artwork and detail. Soon after C3PO I had the Darth Vader case, then the lazer rifle, the bandoleer strap and then I set my sights on getting the ones from all the other line of toys I owned.

I give you the top 5 action figure cases of all time, in no particular order.

Battle Bones

(epic box art)

(shockingly, one that's still in one piece)

Battle Bones goes down as my most favorite case I wish I still had. Bought at a collectibles store in the late 90's for what back then seemed like a small fortune ($20) considering most of my He-Man collection came out of .50 cent bins at the flea market and clearance racks at Lionel Playworld. For the longest time it sat on a very prestigious spot atop the highest shelf in my room until one day I decided to bring it down for a closer inspection. As I brought it down from Mt Olympus, the whole body snapped in half. I think it was the first time I swore aloud in my mother's house while she was home.

(the kid in the commercial does Skeletor's voice pretty well)

It was this great bone color which made it seem like it was more than a figure carrier but some sort of museum piece. Battle Bones had places among the ribs to snap figures into place (12) and the mouth of the mighty beast opened so you could place all of your figure accessories there for safe keeping. The whole thing was topped off with a handle so a child could triumphantly tote along his small army of Masters of the Universe figures. Needless to say it was only plastic and I have older toy collector friends who had the pleasure of owning one shortly after it was made and they said it was the  most brittle thing they'd even seen made for a toy line.



Star Wars Lazer Rifle case

Now this was an amazing figure case. It was both a role play toy and a place to stash your figures in between play. Kenner had a way of making some really nice cases that were just as much fun to display on their own as they were useful in cleaning up and storing my collection. The figural bust cases of Darth and C-3PO were just as much fun to hang up as decoration like the vinyl cases were There was such amazing artwork on each case that I couldn't just stow them away under my bed. On a side note, there was always talk of a third case (Storm Trooper or Snow Trooper) but I cannot find the artwork I once saw to confirm or deny it's existence, even in prototype form.

(most of the vinyl cases had two releases, one with movie clips and one like this with mostly artist drawings)

(loved the JCP catalog)

The rifle case was sturdy like the Darth and C-3PO cases and big enough that a child could have used it to pretend they were fighting the Empire along side the other rebel troopers. It held over a dozen figures with the basic cubby system and black plastic bar across the middle from the previous cases listed. Also it had a storage compartment to place any weapons you were afraid of loosing. The rifle had a scope on the top of it that actually had a cross hairs in it and it doubled as a handle to carry the case.

Super Powers Comic Book case

(if you didn't know Superman's origin by this point, you should probably stick with the Star Wars figures)

(if you look closely you can see Batman's parents die everytime you play with your toys)

The Super Powers case was misleading at first glance. Just about every figure line in the 80's and early 90's had its own vinyl carrying cases but this was more than that. The outside of the case looked like a book and looked totally wicked awesome on a shelf with the spine reading "VOL 1". Inside the case was rigid plastic and nothing like the competition's cases where they gave you flimsy plastic trays to fit your figures into. On the inside front and back flaps were single column origin stories of your favorite DC Super Heroes. The case  fit about 10 figures and had two storage drawers for accessories.

GI JOE APC

(box art)

GI JOE gave kids of the 1980's an army they could easily store under their bed. Now, you could just buy a basic vinyl case from Hasbro or you could buy the APC. The APC was a troop transport vehicle that doubled as a carrying case. This six wheeled behemoth could carry up to 20 Joes under it's camouflage canopy to raid the Terrordrome or you could secure the figures in their restraints and pull out the handle (concealed as the back bumper) and carry the troops into battle next door.

M.U.S.C.L.E. Battlin' Belt

(M.U.S.C.L.E. men garbage can grab bag)

(there ain't enough room for the two of us)

When Mattel brought the Kinnikuman line to America and renamed it M.U.S.C.L.E., the only thing they kept about the line of these kinkeshi figurines was that they were wrestlers. Mattel decided that the original figure case, a Ramen Man figurine with a huge "Mardi Gras" head, was just a little impractical and wouldn't have the selling power on American shelves. So Mattel created a wearable championship title belt complete with compartments for you figures (only 10 out of the over 200 figures) and a ring (albeit very small) in the center of the belt. Also the belt was the M.U.S.C.L.E. championship belt, which means to wear it you had to have defeated humanoid walruses, giants hands and living buildings.

Oversized Hulk Hogan figure from LJN

Outside of Jakks Pacific, Hasbro held the WWF (and I will call it the WWF till the day I die, FU tree hugging panda cuddlers.) license for the 2^nd longest that any company held it. It might actually be a tie between Hasbro and Jakks but when it comes down to it, nothing is more nostalgic than those heavy rubber wrestling figures from LJN. Near their 4^th line of basic figures, LJN released two oversized wrestlers; Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Roddy Piper. Both figures were over the 12 inch mark and featured five points of articulation and had cloth clothing accessory ( Hogan's “HULKAMANIA” shirt and Piper's Kilt)and a title belt. LJN figures, both these large figures and the smaller rubber ones, had really decent likenesses considering this was 20 years before digital scanning was refined and used widely. Sometimes it's almost amazing to think someone hand sculpted these since other figure lines of the same era were made in the same fashion but never looked as good as these figures did.

(1984 LJN TV AD)

(1990 HASBRO AD)

This video won't post but watch it and try not to laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwJJ3yBsvAw

I was never a huge Pipper fan (not until I got older and really liked his half senile rage fits) but being a native of the Tampa Bay area, Hulk Hogan was my idol. He told me to eat my vitamins, drink my milk and say my prayers; am I right? People like my mom and dad remembered when he played in a local band and when he first started lacing up his boots at local exhibitions as Terry Boulder. I grew up avidly watching WWF on Saturday evenings, Hulk Hogan's Rock & Wrestling was part of my Saturday morning cartoon watching schedule and one of my first VHS tapes was the first Wrestlemania. It really wasn't till about 2006 that I stopped watching WWF altogether. The stories got stale and boring and the action in the ring got lame. I turned to King of Trios along with other non-mainstream wrestling promotions to get my fix for pro wrestling.

(still  makes me smile to this day)

(suck on that WWE) 

                     

Also, these titans I had admired as a child had grown older as I had. They'd seemed immortal when I was younger, the harsh reality had set in that they weren't.

(watch the Hulkster age before your very eyes)

It wasn't till recent history that I actually bought the large scale Hulk Hogan and even more recent history that I got the cloth shirt to put on my figure. When I got Hogan he was a real mess. Covered in paint smudges and stray marks from permanent marker, I furiously attacked him with Mr. Clean magic erasures and cotton balls soaked in nail polish remover. The previous owner had branded the bottom of the Hulkster's left foot with his name, like any other possessive little boy would that has younger/older brothers. The cloth shirt was obtained in a trade with a fellow from one of the message boards I visit along with the more recent large scale Hulk Hogan from Jakks Pacific (which I sold a while back but really happy to have it in my possession again). I'm only a title belt away from completing Hogan, but it's been a fun scavenger hunt so far and I'm looking forward to finishing it.