Monday, May 5, 2014

5 RaNdOm AcTiOn FiGuReS

Forgotten Prisoner Jiggler

I like jigglers. For those who don't know what they are; jigglers are rubbery figurines from the 60s and 70s that often have an elastic cord to hang them from and have the pleasant smell of gasoline (yuck). You can usually find them made into animals or sometimes superheroes but my favorite category are the horror jigglers. The horror jigglers were always twisted and grotesque looking representing different types of maniacs, corpses, demons or even the Universal Monsters. They are one of my favorite sub-genres of vintage toys.

The Forgotten Prisoner jiggler I've had for as long as I can remember. Originally I found it in a pile of Halloween decorations at a thrift store when I was really young and I was nearly a grown man before I found out what he really was. I like the strange and unusual toys and this one was never disappointing. Along with my Callisto from Major Matt Mason, these two pieces followed me to college. It may have only lasted a semester but it was fun while it lasted. I hung him from my rear-view mirror because no matter how rare a toy may be it's still just a toy. I took him out of the car a week later when I thought I had a fuel line leak and found out it was the stench of the Forgotten Prisoner.

Hasbro Ultimate Warrior

It seems I write a lot abut wrestling figures, which is funny because I didn't own too many growing up. I may have owned 4 or 5 until I was 16 and started working at KB Toys. My parents had no problem with me watching it, hell the reason I didn't own a ton of wrestling figures as a child was because I was told I could either rent the pay-per-views and go to the live events or own the toys. I picked having the real experience instead of just playing with the toys. Anyways, in my adult years I bought a lot of wrestling figures and sold off all but my LJNs and the few Hasbro figures I obtained over the years.

The Ultimate Warrior was one of the most intense wrestlers of the mid 80s to early 90s. Crazy, day glow face paint and wearing enough tassels to make a girl's bike envious, the Ultimate Warrior was one of the more memorable characters from the WWF. Even his anti-smoking ads with him ripping a cigarette box apart with his teeth was so out there they only played it a couple of times. Hasbro made a few different Ultimate Warrior figures, I always liked this one with the gorilla press slam feature. Just the ability for a figure to throw another one clear across the ring was the coolest thing in my mind. I also like that they got his "tan in a spray can" color just right on the figure. That shade of orange is a really happy color.

Demolition Man Simon Phoenix

Say what you will about me but when I think of my top 10 favorite disotopian themed futuristic movies, Demolition Man is damn near around 6 or 7 on my list. The figures could have been better. OK, the figures have about as much to do with the movie as alcohol at a Mormon wedding but what can you say; they were re-purposed New Adventures of He-Man figures for the most part. I never owned any of these figures till recently, I never had any interest in tracking them down. I came across Simon in a $1 bin at a yard sale, I still feel like I may have overpaid. My wife said he looks Puerto Rican and nothing like Wesley Snipes.

Also, I'm very disappointed in Mattel for not giving us a Glenn Shaddix figure. Are you telling me I must trudge through life using my Otho figure for every Shaddix worthy moment?

DC Comics Superheroes Two-Face

I've always loved this ridiculous figure. He embodies everything I liked about Two-Face when I was a kid reading Detective Comics. The two-toned suit, the disfigured green face and the absurdly huge dime in his hand. Wait, what? Every figure in the Toy Biz DC Superheroes line had to have an action feature or they were just a boring piece of plastic, right? Come on Toy Biz, you let Riddler get away with being packaged with fortune cookie fortunes so why did you have to fuck with Two-Face?

I enjoyed this toy as a kid strange enough. I know my parents hated the whiny grind of the gears turning Two-Face's oversized dime. Especially because I would use him to make decisions like a magic 8 ball. I also really liked the Bob the Goon figure from the same line and hated the Hawkman figure so let that sink in about what kind of kid I was. In closing I will say the fact Two-Face didn't even have the option of an open hand to hold a gun was a disappointment.

Pizza Face from TMNT

This was my absolute, all time favorite TMNT figure made from 1988-1996. The only thing I could say is while some of the figures were mutants based on animals or intergalactic creatures from other worlds, Pizza Face is just gruesome. Missing a leg and a pinkie figure along with bad teeth and probably poor personal hygiene habits, this guy looked like a walking health code violation. In a book I picked up a few years back that was a production "bible" for the first 5 years of TMNT figures it showed Pizza Face was supposed to have a removable chef's hat and "alien" head under it which would have made the figure even cooler but was probably cut to keep costs down.

The cleaver was also my favorite accessory from the line outside of the errant plunger you might come across.

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